Feminism is a Journey, Not a Destination
Vlad Bagacian from Unsplash
I was not exposed to the concept or ideals of feminism before I left home for college. I embodied all the principles of patriarchy that made me believe I was a ‘good’ woman. As fate would have it, I joined Lady Shri Ram College for Women, a college known for producing feminist women, for discourses of liberal feminist thought echoing in classrooms and corridors.
In the first fortnight, we were supposed to attend Orientations of different clubs to figure out what to join. I remember walking into the Orientation of Women’s Development Cell (WDC) where the topic of discussion was masturbation. As I sat there in shock and discomfort for 15–20 minutes, hearing about why women need to be more open about their sexual desires and health benefits of masturbation, I recall deciding with utmost certainty that no I do not belong to this club. To me, at the time, whatever was being discussed, felt wrong. It did not matter that they made logical points — the problem was me. I was not willing to let it pierce through my armour of patriarchal orthodoxy. I was not willing to listen, to change.
In the years that passed by, I was proud to be in company of women who repeatedly challenged my notions. Together, those feminist angels and I broke that thick armour, and I started developing feminist thought. My training in history and the course curriculum acted as a catalyst. As students, we sought to understand the origins of patriarchy, delve into the construct of gender and sexuality.
Gender became a topic of keen interest as I was willing to learn and unlearn as much as I could, as fast as I could. As I entered my Master’s program, I made a conscious choice to take multiple papers on gender and sexuality as my electives since that had evolved into my area of interest as well. Eventually, I published my first paper on Kamasutra — a long, long journey for someone who thought that sex and everything to do with it was dirty. In the course of my research on Sanskrit erotic texts in India, I thought that I had reached the destination, the indoctrination was complete — I was a feminist. Done.
Except, it was not.
Because that is not what the ideology can ever be. A final degree, a badge, a diploma course. It’s a journey. No matter how feminist we may think we are, there will always be moments that expose our inner sexism. In such moments it is up to us what do we choose to do with it- ignore it because it makes us feel uncomfortable or fix our own selves. Because we are bound to encounter such situations.
I remember discussing someone’s Instagram profile and telling my best friend that it does not seem right that all the photos that a certain someone posts have her showing her cleavage. I mean, why can’t she cover it up sometimes? Sometimes, it may be ok but not all the time, right? Is she doing it for attention? My best friend — thank God for her- chided me on my thinking and asked me if I thought the same about men who flashed their abs and biceps in each Instagram post. I knew she was right. I felt embarrassed for judging a woman who was just posting updates from her daily life.
We are conditioned by society to keep an eye on what a woman is wearing, what skin is being shown and what is hidden, which curves are evident and which are not. That was an important lesson too- before you pass judgement on someone, may be ask yourself the reason for your discomfort, or discuss it with someone else before forming an opinion.
We are all guilty of chunks or residues of internalized patriarchy within us. The key is to challenge yourself, correct and reform yourself. I still correct some sentences that come to my head naturally. For example, I might think that mothers need to raise their sons better- and then I correct myself- Parents need to raise their sons better. A lot of our preconceptions and ideologies that we have held on to for decades or more make us feel comfortable, safe, and secure. It is jarring to embark on a quest to shatter these notions, to change how we have thought all these years, to fix thoughts that come instantly, effortlessly. This is why it is important for us to see the importance of this quest and why it is crucial for building a better world.
In an era where everyone sees themselves as experts on what they speak, I confess openly that I am still learning. From a conservative upbringing of 18 years where I internalised and reinforced patriarchal norms to a feminist 10 years later, I have learnt a lot and I am still learning. And that is fundamental- the constant learning, or rather the willingness to keep learning. Feminism is not a destination, a trophy, or a badge to be worn with pride on your sleeve — it is a journey where you keep learning and unlearning, a dynamic journey where constantly evolving and growing is the only route to becoming the best version of yourself.
This journey is most rewarding when taken with other people from whom you constantly learn, when you keep reading and questioning and beyond all this- Be accepting of other humans with as much empathy as you can garner. Do not judge flawed or conservative people — not talking about those who are proud to be misogynists- but those on the fence, those puzzled and confused about gender, feminism, or sexuality, those who are new in the journey, find it all new, alien, the unknown unchartered territory.
To all the people who believe they are feminists, congratulations for shattering the glass cage of patriarchy. It is my humble request though that when you confront your own internalized misogyny or gender bias, do not dismiss it. As uncomfortable it may seem, address it and use your feminist principles to assess the stimuli as well as your reaction. Do not run away from it. Only then can we all evolve and set better examples for next generation of feminists.